By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
