Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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