I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
