Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
