Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize