i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
