i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
