just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
