i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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