I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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