could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
