i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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