Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everclear isn't food dammit
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