so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
