You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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