I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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