All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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