I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
