My room smells like vodka and shame
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
