i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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