Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
