i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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