you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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