if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
40s are totally the cure
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
