I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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