thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize