Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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