can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
