You made me cry and you don't even care
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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