Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
