her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
