ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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