Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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