so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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