on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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