he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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