I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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