I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
