I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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