Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
