i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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