I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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