We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize