I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think your dad took our porno
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
