I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
