saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
