SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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