i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
