do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
