I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
