He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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