I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
