i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
