saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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