I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
