Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
