dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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