Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
