At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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