Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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