he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize