I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize