U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
