I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize