so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
