Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
