it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
