yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
