Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
