So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
