Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i love accidental penises.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
