i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
