Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
