i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
