so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
