omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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